Salutations!
So I was officially turned down for that assistant job - the one I really wanted - WRETCHED! Oh well, I guess God has other plans for me. Right now I am very thankful. The Lord has been showing me some things in my life that I need to learn, particularly in the area of suffering. He spoke so clearly to me Sunday night and said the three things He is teaching me and that I will have to learn before this "heart-surgery" season is over are these:
Faith, Humility and Rejoicing. I have been guilty of despairing far more than I'd like to admit, or turning it into a "look at me and how well I can die" show. And then God showed up and said "if you're going to die, then shut up and do it instead of making it into a big parade." Now granted, there are times and spaces for venting and whatnot, but my attitude towards this whole season has been less than noble. Funny, and for a season where my character is supposed to be increased and developed! Ironic. I love irony.
Sunday night I was so exhausted I slept for 13 and 1/2 hours, with a 2 hour break from 10pm to 12am, in which time God taught me the above lesson. Monday was cold, miserable and wretched, with my only three highlights being going swimming (I splashed my mom and got nasty looks from the lifeguard then got a side cramp and almost drown), my excellent and very theraputic chat with Chad (thanks for listening to my confusion, fears and endless ramblings so patiently!) and feeling unusually close to God - close enough to actually hear Him! - which has been a rare occurrence to say the least during the last few months.
Today was equally miserable and to top it off it even SNOWED! Yuck-o-rama! Oh Woe is me? Where is summer??. My day did get progressively better. I started off by having devotions, eating peanut butter and toast for breakfast and then satisfying my pathetically girly emotional state by watching a taped of Dawson's Creek form like 3 years ago that I found. It was really stupid, but I still felt better. Then I made like 600 carrot cake cupcakes (well, maybe more like 25 and a cake) because I had to do something productive, and getting a job just doesn't seem to be in the cards for me at the present time. So after I cleaned that mess up, I went and worked out for a bit which did improve my mood. Youth tonight was fun; we played Bible Trivia Scattergories and had a couple games of pool at the Matthew’s. It was a small group, only about half the kids showed up, but it was nice to have a smaller group. We had fun.
All in all I am quite unconcerned about my little neurotic sessions. I have begun to get used to this and I think that’s what scares me the most. I have no way of putting it into words, and I have no idea if I have totally lost my mind or not, because well, I have no bearings on my life right now. Good times! But as I started by saying, I am very grateful for a lot of things. In particular at this very moment I ham most grateful for:
1. Hearing the Shepherd’s voice
2. Loud music
3. God’s Throne of Grace
4. My Guitar
5. Lip balm
6. Sunny days
7. Friends that listen like Chad, Kevin, A.J. and Faith.
8. My family – Jays I miss you man!
9. Pink shoes
10. Gerber daisies
11. Water
12. Hanging out at Kevin’s house
13. Driving
14. Forgiveness
15. Down-filled comforters (I love my bed!)

(Smile). Life goes on…

~ Peace.