“I am alive in this moment…” – Starfield

So the quest for a job continues. I a still paying for the executive assistant position (the one I had the interview for on Thursday), but I have also applied at second cup and at a restaurant near my house. Rent is coming up and I seriously need a job.
So I am sitting here drinking a cup of overly-sweetened coffee and contemplating how God gets the color of the sun shining on the trees outside my window so absolutely perfect. I feel as if I have found the eye of the storm. “Strive to enter my rest…” I hear you say, Lord. Thank you for your faithfulness and for your perfect plan. Hey! Maybe you could let me in on it sometime! But I suppose that would spoil the adventure. And what is life without adventure? ‘Tis true.
This week has been so busy! Monday I had coffee with my girl A.J., who I haven’t really sat and talked with for ages! We went to the Second Cup on 7th Downtown and had such a good time! Tuesday was youth and we did an Italian Mystery Dinner in my basement (just like what Don and Linda did for us in Jesus School). Major props to my mom and Tanya who helped me pull it off. It was SO MUCH WORK and I could never have doe it without you guys!! It was a smashing success, though and a good time was had by all. Chad – thanks for the encouragement! Of course, we followed it up with a couple high quality games of Mafia. Wednesday we had a really good home group. Tanya and I made spaghetti for supper (in keeping with the theme from Tuesday!) and mom taught a really good lesson on respect. The weekend was a blur, as usual, and Sunday night I had a really good night with God.
I have had a surprisingly good day and am quite enjoying it. My dad and I had some really quality time today which we have not had for quite sometime, and it was very refreshing.
I am thinking very sporadically today…mega A.D.D. trips going on here so forgive me if I’m bouncing all over the place. We have been scrambling to get everything together for our youth mission trip to Yellowknife in April. I am really looking forward to it. I have never done anything this big before and feel like I am a little in over my head, but you gotta start somewhere, right? Dive in and sink or swim, I guess, as Kevin would say. On Friday night I went with my mom to see Mona Lisa Smile…FANTASTIC movie! And then on Saturday me and Kev went and saw Peter Pan. Very charming and extremely sweet. I actually liked both quite a bit. I am so thankful we have the best cheap theatre in Calgary right by my house.
God is so good! I am learning ever little by little how to rejoice in all things. It’s funny how it changes your perspective so much! Love it! Grace and Peace to you in the name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Cha

Listening right now to: One Thing – Finger Eleven

Hey Ya'll. Well, what a weekend! Monday, February 16th is a stat holiday in Alberta, it's "Family Day!” So in honor of that I went shopping with my mom. yay! Actually I really needed black dress pants for my interview on Thursday. I kinda stumbled upon my dream job...at least what I asked God for in Jesus School (come to think of it, It was more of a wish...I didn’t even ask!). Anyways, I am super nervous, but at the same time excited. I really want it.
And, yes...my brother moved to Kamloops officially on Sunday. For those of you who asked or were wondering why, we have a friend of the family who works for Culligan Water and is expanding business in Kamloops and approached James to move up there and take the position. Which is a good thing for a number of reasons. Firstly, Kamloops has the WORST DRINKING WATER EVER so he will most likely be successful. It will also be good for him to get away from Calgary as well. So I'm excited and jealous at the same time, but I know my time will leave will come, and while I can't wait until God releases me to move away from here, I want it to be in the right season. PRAISE GOD FOR SEASONS OF CHARACTER BUILDING!
I was listening to some of the taped for Jesus School and came across Cam's lesson on steadfastness and praising God in suffering and was it ever what I needed to hear! He kept saying "Do you want it? Do you want your faith to have substance? Do you want it bad enough to go see that path and then walk it? Do you?" I was convicted but encouraged at the same time. Mom...so good.
Last week was such a hard week. I felt attacked on every front and right when I was the weakest. I made it through victoriously, but still with injury. Ministry is hard, family is hard, relationships are hard, trusting God is hard, personal loss is hard, leading through it all is hard, sometimes even finding God is hard...but God is faithful - That's been like my mantra for the week. I have to keep saying it to believe it! It's funny though because this week (even though I’m only on day 2) has been a lot more joyful. There are still all the same issues to deal with, but I feel like God has given me an injection of hope. Maybe the joy is in the pain because in the pain I've been doing my best to rejoice and now God is somehow...I don't know. It's a strange feeling I can't explain, like a clown at a funeral. This joy feels like it's out of place but welcomed just the same.
But I suppose in the end it is about the simple things in life - you know, like make your own fun. Like when Chad and I had a competition on Friday night...we put pop rocks in our mouth, each took a shot of coke and then held it in our cheeks. I'll tell you what, there's not another experience quite like it! I had to run to the sink because the pressure in my mouth was so strong I thought I'd end up spitting it everywhere, but I was able to keep it in. Yay for me! Chad actually swallowed too early and felt really sick for quite some time. Ha ha. It was hilarious...the pictures were interesting. (It was 2 in the morning, after a late night 7-11 run with kev, okay?) Good times!
So on another note, this is an email from my friend Lana who is on a DTS with YWAM and recently civil war broke out. It was very violent and dangerous at first, but God seems to be doing some amazing things. This is her latest email:

Hey everyone, today in an official meeting, peace was declared for our city St. Marc, Terry our base director was there and so was Haitian Press, international press, some American magazines,'ect. The two opposing groups apologized and gave their weapons to police that are here. Peace is coming, pray that the same things will happen all over the nation, and no men will be able to destroy the peace God has brought! Thank you all for your prayers, love you all,
Lana

Note: forwarded message attached:

Hello Everyone!

I know that there was a lot of prayer focus today on our city. Many of you had mentioned that there would be special prayer at churches. Today proved that with much prayer things happen.

Another gangster accepted Christ today! Our community, that is the sinners, asked a special request. Terry, will you hold an evangelistic meeting on the street for us? I have been asked by Pastors, Christians, but never by sinner to hold an evangelistic meeting. After stopping in front of a voodoo temple this afternoon I challenged the area; “What has voodoo ever given you in 200 years? You say Terry you have brought peace. I say God has brought peace, why don’t you surrender to God and destroy the voodoo temple!” They responded by saying the temple was guarded by a giant snake demon and the voodoo doctor had fled with all the violence. I told them bring him to me when he returns and I will ask his permission to break his voodoo temple and cast out the demon. I believe in freedom of religion. If you want to serve voodoo ok, but if you want to serve Christ GREAT! I am here for you! They replied with shouts of joy saying; “We will bring witch doctor, we don’t want voodoo here anymore!”

This is incredible! Now people from throughout the city are beginning to call for help. They are saying; “Terry, can you help us like you have helped your zone?” The harvest is ripe, but the laborers are few. I am praying to the Lord for more laborers!

Tomorrow is crucial! The day of declaration for peace, disarmament and forgiveness! This will be taking place in front of the Christian Monument in the city park of St. Marc at 10:00am. Reporters from St. Marc, Haitian National Press, International Press, Fort Lauderdale Sun, LA Times, and New York Times have been checking in. It may hit world news. God is changing St. Marc and is ready to shake the nation!

Taking the High Places for Christ! Keep on praying!

Terry

So ya if you could all keep Haiti in your prayers that would be great. Isn’t god amazingly faithful and powerful and good? Come on!
Blessings!
Cha

I love sunshine. I woke up this morning with a mischievious feeling. Like I wanted to go take my mom's car and park it down the block or something. Probably because of the beautiful weather. My birdcage day is now turning into a birdcage week.
Lord, you are so beautiful. I love creation, but even the most breathtaking sunrise or the most majestic mountian or the best blue sky is only a pale reflection of your glory. I can't wait to see your face. I love watching you in the trees and in the water. I am in love with you. Could you just take me home to heaven today? How about right now. This earth holds nothing of worth or beauty or valor when I look at you. But thank you for the gift of life. I praise you because I am wonderfully and fearfuilly made. Teach me to walk in your presence. Thank you for your grace. Grant me wisdom and peace. Can I just sit here at your feet for awhile?...

It is a beautiful day outside. I feel all melancholy, but I think its because there's a large wall blocking out 90% of the sunshine that makes me so desperate to drive away from this city and into the mountains. I have been missing Kamloops dreadfully for the last few days, and to top it off my brother is moving there next week. BLAH! No bitterness, right? LOL. There's just something about Spring (or at least a really good Chinook) that invokes all sorts of emotions. Joy over new life and the little buds starting to sprout everywhere. Peace from the sound of rain and the smell of clean-ness. Nostalgia over all of the things that moving on means leaving behind. Change is hard on me. Don't get me wrong...I love adventures, but I need something to hold on to. To say God is my constant is probably true, and yet at the same time incredibly cliche. Sometimes I just want something I can hold in my hands and know that it is mine. To actually hold it and know it is something I can depend on, and that nothing can take it away. Childish, but true. Ahhh. The endless ramblings of a restless heart. I don't want to be in this city anymore. I made a mix CD of all my favorite road trip songs and was listening to it on Saturday...Which also happened to be the first beautiful warm day after 2 weeks of -25 below weather. It was a birdcage day...If you know me, you'll know what I mean. It's the same urge that made me skip so much in High School. Feeling like I was stuck in a much-to-confining cage. By about 6 songs in I was in trouble. I was about ready to go boost some car so I that could just drive...Anywhere. I want to fly from here. I believe God will bless me no matter what I put my hand to, and its been spoken over me that He has left both doors open for me - to stay or to go - and there is calling and blessing in both. I desperately want to leave, leaders and friends in the church are telling me I should stay. I feel pulled in both directions. The people and ministries God has blessed me with here are certainly something I do have to take into consideration before I leap off into the deep end. But since I've started talking about moving back to B.C., I've had a lot of people talk to me about how I shouldn't or whatever. I am so frustrated because I have this gut feeling that partially the expressed concern over me leaving is out of somewhat, shall we say... Selfish motives. Everyone's like "I would kill for a youth group like this...The bands are coming together...This is the birthing of everything you wanted to see happen...You're crazy for wanting to leave!" But at the same time I think part of me wanting to leave is out of "I'm burning out" motives. I don't want to be running away from anything, but at the same time I don't want to stay here. I have desperately wanted to move to B.C. since I was nineteen, and the timing just seems right...I think. AHHHHH!
I'm sure a lot of this has to do with the valley I'm walking through. A week ago at Tehillah Monday (a young adult service at First Assembly) I was reading my bible during worship and the 23rd Psalm just trashed me. I've read that Psalm a million times, and it had almost become like a nursery rhyme or something to me. But did it ever hit me. I just began to weep as I was praying it...So powerful!
Reading Jeff's blog reminded me of something God showed me from "The Last Samurai" too. That warriors are not concerned with anything aside of their service to their master. They do not seek long, rich, full lives filled to the brim with riches and entertainment. They serve and train and fight and serve and train, and to die serving is the most joyful thing for them. To die with dishonor is abominable and I remember getting such clear understanding of what the cross meant...To follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to deny everything but Him. And at that final moment, I could barely breathe because I looked at myself and I looked at those warriors dying and I felt as if God said" that's what my army needs to look like." How does one come to a place of such devotion and discipline? I think the closest I've come is the time spent at Jesus School, but now that I'm back "in the world" for lack of a better term, I have no idea how to get there from here. Oh Lord, that you would capture my heart that completely. That you would raise up a generation that loves nothing but you and hates nothing but sin. That serving you would be of single focus. Wow.

Hey all. Not much to say. I am sick. I need a job. God is faithful. That's about it. Yep.